The WORKing Contradiction

I've found it extremely interesting to listen to those in the news and community these days complain about "unemployable" people who have parked on their dime.  You've heard these complaints - "They" don't want to work..."  "They" just want to live in public housing and get welfare."  "They" keep having children that "they" can't take care of and milking the system..." "They" are unemployable..."  I'm here to tell you this is all a bunch of BULLCRAP."  Let me dish you the real on the MESS that happens in the workplace that leads to people totally capable of doing the job checking out instead to the comfort of the support of the taxpayer.

Once upon a time, I believed very much in the "American Dream."  It was all that many of us who grew up with less than had to look forward to as adults.  We were sold on the premise that if we get an education and obtain the skills to join the workforce, we would eventually be able to purchase our slice of America - white picket fence and the whole 40 acres and a mule (remember?).  But what this life has taught me is that I've been sold a lie, or someone changed the blueprint without bringing me up to speed.  The truth is that many people are capable of doing any job that they have hopes to obtain and keep, but there are those on the job that have built an arena for special interest groups, cliques and/or social organizations and personal bias to drive you right back to the poverty that "they" claim is destroying the country.  I mean, really?  Make up your mind! Do you want me to work?  Or do YOU want to work for both of us?

If you review my previous blog posts, you'll see that I've taken a hiatus from posting..., a hibernation... Ok, I've been away for a little more than 3 years.  And it wasn't because I didn't want to blog or because I didn't have any subscribers (I know you were visiting because the blog tracks the traffic.  Why didn't you commit to subscribe?)  Honestly, I just had quite a few changes that didn't allow as much opportunity to blog.  I finally found the opportunity to relocate.  And although it was a compromise,  it is still closer to what I want for my life than staying in the same place. I secured employment that has allowed me to exit the public housing and welfare system.  And although I haven't realized all my goals at this time - and very possibly might have to return from whence I came (haha) - I've had the opportunity to try and propel myself to where I should actually be at this stage in my life.  Yet, with all that hard work and commitment comes a huge disappointment in what I was told and what I have learned to be true.

This bookmark in my career has opened my eyes to an unsettling reality.   I've had many places of employment.  Heck, I've been working for somebody ever since I turned 16 yrs old.  I have never, NEVER experienced this kind of nonsense in the workplace.  The day to day grind has become a platform for some type of soap opera rather than a place where we are working towards a common mission and goal.  I've experienced workplace bullying.  I've experienced blindsided attempts to either demote me or terminate my employment altogether.  I've experienced harassment by management.  The list grows with each week.  There is always another opportunity - not to learn more about how to effectively do your job - to learn how to invite a person to no longer work there or escort them towards an early retirement.

At first I thought I was being paranoid and insecure.  But... Nah.... I had the opportunity to read the article  How To Make An Employee Want to Leave from ToughNickel.com and discovered that these are the EXACT tactics to which I had been subjected.  It's almost as if the boss read the manual and used each one by the book word for word.  At first I was in awe.  Why would you want me to leave?  You hired me.  I listened to Human Resources croon about how each candidate was carefully selected and for every one that made it there were at least 5 others who didn't get the job.  If you are so skilled and competent at employee selection, how did you make such a gross error?  Then I had to rewind and realize that management has changed.  At the time I was hired, there was high turnover and not quite enough employees to meet the demand.  But... as sad as it is to admit, I seem to have been used to get the numbers down and get the business "even" so that the cycle can perpetuate itself again.   And I do say it's a cycle because I've talked with the "veteran" staff who say that this company has a reputation for doing this kind of thing and that it happens methodically every few years.  Thus, the management that hired me has left or moved on, and the management that is in place now would like to resume "their way" of doing things.

It would seem ideal and too much like right to just have an open discussion with an employee, share your concerns, talk about why things aren't working out and reach a consensus.  The fact that this element is missing from the process is all the confirmation you need that you are employed somewhere where there is a backwards and upside down way of doing things, meaning that there has probably been some similar dishonesty or backwards way of doing things that has caused a stink in the past.  And if you get down to the politics of it, forcing you to leave on your own is a much more desirable outcome than discharging you and having to pay unemployment insurance.  I mean, how ridiculous is it to not want to pay you to do the job, fire you, then pay you not to do the job?  (HaHa)

Really, it doesn't matter what the reasons are.  That's a whole part 2 to this post.  The facts are that management makes a conscious decision to build the kinds of employees that they desire to carry out their business, or they make... enemies, I guess.  That seems harsh, but no matter how much one would claim you don't know how to do your job, there are others who were discharged under similar pretenses that were employees at one point and equally as qualified to continue to work there with the right leadership.

The meat of this post is that those who want to work are working because that is what they desire to do.  In the end, if you are one who has minimized a person's potential and made it appear that the duties are beyond that person's capabilities or understanding, don't then out of the other side of your mouth complain that the people you say don't want to work have decided instead to take the helm and whip you to support them.

                 Thousands in Georgia finding out they are no longer eligible for food stamps               

Aud Lang Syne 2017

Goodbye 2017!

I researched the lyrics to the traditional New Year's theme song "Aud Lang Syne."  Surprisingly, Wikipedia describes the song as not only a traditional New Year's Eve serenade, but also sung at funerals! Hmmm.... 2017....

Ladies and Gentlemen...
We are gathered together on this New Year's Eve to bid farewell to a year that has departed with feelings of both blessings and disheartened sadness.  As we reflect on this year that can never be relived, let's make a commitment to learn from it and grow from it while burying the hurt and ill will along with it.

2017's light was dimmed by the loss of our most beloved entertainers.

Al Jarreau                           2-12                                John Heard                          7-21
Mary Tyler Moore              1-25                                Dick Gregory                      8-19
Bill Paxton                          2-25                                Jerry Lee Lewis                  8-20
Judge Joseph Wapner         2-26                                Frank Vincent                     9-13
Chuck Berry                       3-18                                Bernie Casey                       9-19
Don Rickles                        4-06                               Hugh Hefner                        9-27
Charlie Murphy                  4-12                                Monty Hall                          9-30
Roger Moore                      5-23                                Fats Domino                       10-24
Adam West                         6-09                                Robert Guillaume               10-24
Martin Landau                    7-15                                Della Reese                        11-19
                                             Earle Hyman                 11-17

Politics became strictly business and something resembling reality television with Donald Trump assuming the role of the 45th president of our beloved United States of America.

But despite our sadness we made some major accomplishments to propel our country forward.  We learned that there might soon be an end to suffering as our scientists finally made major leeway in curing.... oh, wait a minute nothing like that comes to mind.

Our country worked diligently to honor its creed by making sure citizens can sustain a decent quality of life by implementing the.... hold on.... I don't know about anything that happened since our 44th President implemented the Affordable Care Act.

Hmmm... what accomplishment did we make as a country?  All I can immediately recall is that President Trump made some comments about a football player.... and was accused of something or another... and made some other shocking comments.

Ok, 2017 might not leave us swelling with pride as a nation of people because of any outstanding breakthroughs or much more than reality show leadership.  But, at least as we witnessed this mockery of leadership we had personal goals and accomplishments to celebrate and compound on for the year 2018.  Right?

I know everybody is probably making tremendous new year resolutions to do the same old stuff - eat healthier, lose weight, save money, blah, blah, blah.  What I'm going to resolve to do is reward myself more.  I spend a lot of time being something for someone else and doing things for other people that I have neglected myself and neglected to reward myself so much so that I feel used up.  If you'll reflect on my "too not enough" way of thinking that I mentioned in previous blog posts, I can understand now how that became embedded in my subconscious.  Not to say there's no enjoyment in the work that I do, but instead that it is imperative to have balance to not only continue the work but to continue to do the work well.

What are you going to resolve to do for this magical New Year 2018?  If you're hesitant to commit to a goal or goals because you are living a life of uncertainty at this time, take your power and plan on how you will manage DESPITE the worse that can happen.  There is no excuse.  And there is no shame.  Aud Lang Syne, 2017!

Welcome 2018!!!!!

Junk Mail/Spam Posts

If you have received any correspondence such as emails or messages with this name as a tag or the originator of the message, please disregard.  I work in the child welfare system and have some immature and angry people behaving mischievously.   Sorry for your inconvenience.

Thanksgiving Reflections

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Thanksgiving Reflections

As I was pushing my shopping cart through the grocery store hurrying to gather all my necessary ingredients to prepare my ultimate Thanksgiving feast of all times, I accidentally bumped into a fellow shopper riding the wheelchair assisted cart.  A closer look in the midst of  my apologies revealed that the stranger I thought I had accidentally collided with was in fact an old college friend whom I had lost contact with.  I playfully quipped that he was being a lazy shopper riding the handicapped equipment rather than battling the other frantic shoppers on foot, as he was always one full of practical jokes and shortcuts.  The expression on his face alerted that this time was no playful prank.  He shared that he'd been involved in an accident that spared his life but caused permanent injury.  The worst of it though was that there were lives that were lost.  I listened dumbfounded as he explained the details of the tragedy that would leave he and his family with fewer loved ones to partake in this year's Thanksgiving celebration.  There were no words I could offer that would be a proper consolation, but I attempted to offer encouragement and wished he and his family a pleasant Thanksgiving despite the circumstances.  As I continued through the grocery aisles with his story fresh on my mind, I realized my pace and focus had shifted considerably.  I began to take notice of others combing the aisles searching for their Thanksgiving fixings and all the things that they no doubt traditionally indulge in this time of season, oblivious it seems that any tragedy could disrupt their lives or what others like my friend might be enduring during this holiday season. 

It was in that moment that I realized the true spirit of gratitude.  Regardless of what the pilgrims ate however many moons ago or who's playing who on television or what store has the hottest Black Friday deals, the true spirit of this season is in the fellowship of family in friends who have returned to gather another year.  So what if I burn the turkey or the dressing is bitter.  I'll be glad to hear the complaints of those I love declaring that I'll not be allowed back in the kitchen for next year's feast.  I'll be happy to hear mumbling about too much mess to clean while others create an even bigger mess watching the big game.  I'll live in the moment as I hunt with fellow shoppers for the hottest electronics, gadgets and deals to wrap for Christmas, keeping the memory of my friend's story in mind.

This holiday season and every moment from now on...

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family from the BigGirl Chronicles and mine.  Warm wishes for a holiday season filled with love of family and friends, peace and prosperity for the new year.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2014

The Big Girl Chronicles: Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2014

Breast Cancer Awareness Month has started with some awesome products created to support breast cancer research, treatment and prevention. Below you'll find a link to some of your favorite retailers and brands that have featured products specifically for BCAM. 

Apparel  
       Aerie Limited Edition Bright Pink Bra


Cosmetics    
       Estee Lauder Modern Muse Solid Perfume Compact

       Bobbi Brown Cosmetics Lip Gloss Collection

       Aveda Moisturizer


Miscellaneous
        Tweezerman Tweezer

       Nest Fragrances Candle

To make certain your financial support is used as intended you can opt to make a donation in lieu of purchasing merchandise to organizations that have proven to have the best interests of those who benefit from breast cancer research the most in mind.  Click on the links below for more information:

 Susan G. Komen Foundation


National Breast Cancer


Breast Cancer Research Foundation

As always, remember to schedule your annual mammograms and take a friend along!  You can ante up your support by participating in events that aid in support and awareness of breast cancer research and prevention.  Protect your Ta-Tas!




*Susan G. Komen, Susan G. Komen Foundation nor any of its affiliates, organizations, employees or supporters participated in this post.  No breast cancer research organization contributed, participated, nor solicited support for this blog post.  None of the above mentioned products, retailers or any affiliates contributed to this post.

10 Things About The Big Girl

The Big Girl Chronicles:  10 Things About the Big Girl

Reading over my previous posts I've decided that it's time to have some fun.  Sometimes I'm slightly "fun impaired." This post is to kickstart an increase in my "fun-o-meter."

 1.  After vanilla being my flavor of choice from childhood through young adulthood, I now find myself preferring chocolate instead.

 2.  Blue is my least favorite color.  I now own over 50 bottles of nail lacquer in various shades of blue, and about 1/3 of my wardrobe is some hue of blue.

 3.  I prefer the behind the scenes & special features of some movies sometimes more than the actual movie itself.

 4.  The first album I was gifted is Michael Jackson's Thriller.  The first cassette tape I was gifted is LLCoolJ Bigger & Deffer.  My first compact disc is Dru Hill 'Beauty' maxi single.  My very first MP3 download was Fastball's Outta My Head.

 5.  I'm newly obsessed with cute socks.

 6.  My first job as a taxpayer was a cashier.

 7.  My dad satisfied my curiosity at the taste of beer when I was a small child.  From that day to this I won't drink it.

 8.  I was a flower girl for the first time in a wedding around the age of 8.  It was there that I snuck to the champagne fountain and had my first sip of champagne.

 9.  My first pet was a rabbit my mother gave me for Easter.

10.  I put things back in the original packaging and boxes to make them seem new longer.

I was going for 25 things but have found myself not that interesting.  (Inject laughter) Happy Labor Day Weekend!

The Big Girl Turns 2!!!

The Big Girl Chronicles

The Big Girl has had 2 years in the blogosphere!  If you’ve traced back to my first post you read that I went through a divorce, which sparked my blog.  I found myself back at a place I’d made preparations to avoid educationally.  Yet I managed other aspects of my life so poorly that I ultimately sabotaged myself.  I know it seems silly.  But not making decisions with my goals and interests in mind has allowed someone else to dictate my circumstances so much so until I awoke one day wondering how I ended up in such a mess so completely opposite of where I wanted to be.   And from there the digging began.  I had to sift through each decision I made to understand where (and how often) I made mistakes.

My blog has been therapeutic.  There’s retail therapy, and there’s blog therapy.  I’ve had quite a bit of fun with it, too - experimenting with the various avenues of expression in media.  There are so many who share common struggles and experiences that it is helpful to click on a link or visit a webpage and read about how someone else handled whatever obstacle or difficulty.  Or what’s trending.  And from those ideas form an online presence and identity that represent you.  I’m in no position to offer any advice about managing a blog.  From what I gathered, it’s all about what you want it to be.  When I began my blog, these are the things I took into consideration:

My Intentions

I thought about why I wanted to blog, and quite frankly it was because I had accumulated so many journals from writing all these years that it seemed more of a chore to have to store them or tote them around upon relocating.  And in keeping with the times, It’s quite obvious that each generation is progressing toward a future with less pen and paper.  Thus the blog. 

 The pros & Cons

Entertaining the what-ifs wasn't that much a concern because of my intentions.  I realized that my blog would be a reflection of myself and a stamp in the blogosphere of just that - who i am.  There is always potential to grow.  And I have blogged how I would like to be recognized... only I'm still trying to get to grown.  Not the kind of grown that is "deserving" of yes ma'ams and whatever.  But the kind of grown where i've managed myself less like someone subjected to circumstances and approval and more like how a responsible, independent woman of age is expected to manage her life.

 The pros and cons of it are essentially to blog at your own risk.  What is posted is a direct reflection of yourself to not only friends and relatives, but extends to all audiences - intended and unintended.

Expected Outcome(s)

I haven't any real expected outcomes for my blog.  I know that is a direct contradiction of many of my posts, such as Why Plan and others that are consistent with a theme of planning and preparation.   For the most part I wanted to focus on what’s worth preserving and how it’s presented rather than blogging about a bunch of crap that isn’t conducive to building character or bettering circumstances.  It's been interesting to learn that given the choice to focus on progress and growth or continue emphasizing faults and fallacies it seems most choose to keep with the latter.  Regardless, this blog is  my story and there is no pressure to meet any deadlines or subscriber quotas.  It's just me.

Healthy Balance

In my life I've noticed that a healthy balance is what has been missing and could hold some responsibility for how I became such a mess.  Things were always at one extreme or the other.  And I learned that what you focus on becomes what your world revolves around.  Seems like a "duh," right?  And it is until you realize that some things that have your attention have taken control of you.  Without a healthy balance that could be to your detriment.  If I focus on subscribers and deadlines rather than what I want my blog to represent, I risk compromising my intentions for the sake of an audience that I was never supposed to have.  That doesn't mean not to strive for that if an audience is part of the original purpose.  But it does expose who you are without it.  Was the blog about you?  Or we're you merely seeking attention?

The world is full of opportunity to achieve limitless possibilities. There are countless online platforms that allow anyone to do just that.  But as with anything else, not everyone is going to achieve the same measure of success.  If your idea of success is defined by how you compare with another you could be hurting yourself by deciding that you are a failure at something that - minus the comparison - has brought you some degree of satisfaction and growth.   The Big Girl Chronicles has been that.  My therapy.  My reminder that I might not always come out on top, but that's ok.  What matters most in my life is what I have achieved by my standards.