Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan (pt 4)

You’ve gotten your child acclimated to a new school district and secured a place in the school’s parent organization.  With a plan for academic success as to how you and your school can work together to provide the best educational opportunities available, you would think that things would go smoothly.  But… and there’s always that word tagging along no matter what you do… now comes another task.  As the academic year progresses, extracurricular activities become another role that you and your child must manage together. 

The role of extracurricular activities in your child’s academic career should not be underestimated.   As a whole, academics and extracurricular activities go hand in hand in shaping your child’s views about life, how to manage difficult situations, teamwork and healthy competition.  Also, your child will reflect upon the experiences (s)he has had throughout his or her education when making decisions in adulthood.  There’s no problem as long as your child makes the team.  But, what happens when (s)he doesn’t?  And as a parent, how do you help to make sure that your child’s desire to do more and participate in school clubs and organizations continues to build character and shape ideal citizens rather than destroy self esteem?    

If your child’s school district is willing to do all that is reasonably possible to assist in meeting the potential of each child, they will likely have pieced together some alternatives that can expand the range of programs, clubs, organizations, competitive sports and other extracurricular activities available for students to participate.  I’ve noticed that some schools have “A” and “B” teams for sports so that more children get the opportunity to play.  If that’s something that your child’s school hasn’t done consider suggesting it as an option.  The “A” and “B” concept can also be expanded to include cheerleading, dance and others. 

Should your school district not offer  an option similar to the “A” and “B” concept, there are some community organizations and churches sponsor youth sports organizations where your child is guaranteed to play for a small fee.  These organizations also do a range of competitive sports in addition to cheerleading, dance and other activities comparable to those in schools.  If there is no resource like this available in your area you can get with other parents who have children that didn’t make the cut and contact www.upward.org to get information about how to organize one in your area. 

Because recruitment and tryouts typically happen around the same time each year, why not get with other parents with children who hope to compete and organize an informal “summer camp” with someone who can help them practice and learn the basics?  The added confidence and experience could be just the edge needed to produce a better outcome for the next time. 

Consider alternatives like Boy/Girl Scouts to satisfy your child’s need to be included in activities outside of school.  It’s considerably less expensive than Youth Sports Organizations that are managed by community organizations and churches.  And when lead properly they provide valuable character and skill-building opportunities that will help shape ideal citizens. 

Honestly, there is only so much that school can do.  As much as your child’s school would like to take every child under their wing, when it comes to extracurricular activities and competitive sports the school wants to be represented well by the best there is.  Unfortunately, that might leave your child a spectator rather than a participant.  However, like most parents you’re likely not willing to accept that.  I’ve spoken with parents who have expressed disappointment at how schools manage recruitment and tryouts of extracurricular activities to the point that the parent withdraws their participation from all school organizations.  Although I empathize with their frustration, I also realize that trying to effect change from the outside looking in is limiting.  If there is more that can be done to encourage schools to be more inclusive of those students who continuously get sidelined, you’re going to have to opt for fight rather than flight.

    

Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan (pt 3)

Among the most effective of ways to enhance your child’s academic experience is in joining your child’s school PTO.  Trying to find an active part can seem a little intimidating at first, but after joining you can review the projects and discuss with the members where you think your help would be most effective. If your child’s school PTO is wanting to beef up their projects, some activities that could be helpful include the following:

1)    During Nutrition Week when children learn about healthy living and eating habits, suggest that the school nutritionist consider allowing a day or week where the kids can plan the school menu.  This is a great way for kids to integrate what they’ve learned into everyday life.

2)    As a fundraiser for things like school beautification and other interests not entirely funded by the education budget, suggest that parents and kids lend their talents to donate and host a sale or auction.  Whether it’s a coupon for a free or discounted activity such as hairstyling or even babysitting, every little bit can be helpful.  You can make a “family night” of it by providing brown bag goodies and inviting families out for inexpensive games and activities.

3)    If your school is stumped as to how they can improve participation and increase funds, it could be a good idea to connect with a PTO that has a solid membership and history of successful fundraising and project completion for suggestions.  It might even be helpful to shadow their meetings and activities for a short time to bring fresh ideas to your school district.  

4)    Take advantage of all that social media has to offer and establish a twitter, facebook or other page to stay connected and network with not only your school district participants but others as well.  That’s the easiest way to stay with trends and share ideas. 

5)    Don’t shy from programs that offer educational incentives like BoxTops for Education and others.  The rewards that they provide simply for being more conscious of what products you purchase can only add to resources your child’s school PTO can use to make improvements. You could find that most of your members use these brands already. 

Participating in your child’s education is among the most memorable of experiences you will have.  Keeping things fun and minimizing stress makes it less of a chore and more like something to look forward to.  Although the suggestions above aren’t original, they could be tweaked or newly integrated into your child’s current school district to regain interest and improve membership in school parent organizations.  Keep it fun.  But most of all, keep the focus on creating an environment for your child that is conducive to learning and building character.  

Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan (pt 2)

Ok. So, you did it.  You managed to relocate your family to a new city.  Now comes the next of many firsts in a new area that can be equally as much a headache as it is one of the many rewards of parenting.  The next feat to which I’m referring is getting your child off successfully for the first day of school and acclimated to a new school district.  Relocating to a different area you quickly learn that things happen differently, good or bad.  But don’t get discouraged!  Depending upon where you relocated from, your experiences could prove useful to get you on the road to becoming an active participant in your new community.  This is also an opportunity to network and build relationships that could prove valuable as you settle into your new environment.  Some suggestions that can be made include the following:

Back 2 School Night

After completing the registration process, I monitored the news, school marquees and local media eagerly anticipating the announcement of some sort of back-to-school event.  There was none.  So, my children and I arrived the first day of school totally clueless about what to expect.  I stopped one of the school staff and inquired about what we should do.  Her first comment was, “Oh, you’re new,” before she tried to give instructions about where we should go.  That’s when I realized that new families must not relocate to this area often.  Then I immediately reflected upon how smoothly things went on the first day of school at the departed school district.  Something as simple as a Back 2 School Night is an opportunity that isn’t costly and has many advantages for both newcomers and existing parents and students.  Here’s why.

1)     I moved with 3 children to navigate through this new school district.  Two of them were at one school while the other had to attend a different school.  The first immediate benefit of a Back 2 School Night held for a couple hours on a day prior to the first day of school is that parents – especially those with more than one child in the school system – would have the opportunity to tour the new school and become familiar with where their child(ren) will be.  This would be tremendously helpful to ease anxiety for the new students who could already have some nervousness about attending a new school.  In my case, I had to trust that my oldest daughter who isn’t that far in age from my youngest and attends the same school could find her way so that I could hold my youngest child’s hand and help her find her teacher and classroom. 

2)    The Back 2 School Night would ease parent anxiety, especially working parents who’ll have more confidence dropping their child(ren) off on that first day without having to take time off (if you’re a working parent) during the first morning of classes to do this.

3)    Back 2 School Night is an excellent opportunity to get those school supplies delivered as well as those annoying first of the school year forms signed that usually come home during the first week or so.  You can pick up your schedule(s), student handbook(s), course syllabus and other important info then and take the opportunity to review these things with your child prior to their first day.

4)    While children can take this opportunity to meet new faces and possibly reconnect with old classmates, parents can begin to familiarize themselves with the teachers and staff. 

5)    This is the best opportunity to get first dibs on new parents as PTO and other school support program participants.  Parents that are eager to have their child(ren) make a good first impression are more likely to volunteer their time and talent for fundraisers and school functions.

Anything that can be done to minimize anxiety and make getting off to school is definitely worth the effort.  And there is no better way to welcome newcomers into your school district than to have an organized plan for the first day of school.  If this is something that isn’t done at your child’s school, perhaps giving Back 2 School Night a try could yield some positive results that will make it a staple in the annual reconvening of your child’s school district.     

Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

Your child’s formative years have two components that are crucial to the person (s)he will become, what kind of citizen (s)he will be and the kind of life (s)he will create.  Those two components are education and home life.  A productive relationship between the two increases likelihood for success and further increases the child’s potential to learn.  Many times public schools get a poor score as we learn of outdated or inadequate text, ineffective classroom instruction, understaffing, unbalanced teacher-student ratio, lack of parental involvement/support and other hindrances. If you are a parent facing a school system that is struggling to meet the needs of your child, there are some things you can do to help.

Getting involved in your child’s education begins in the home.  Simple things like asking about the curriculum for the day and following up on homework assignments communicates to your child that you are paying attention and are interested in his or her education.  Seeking opportunities in the home to reinforce the curriculum also helps your child make the connection between what (s)he learned in the classroom and how it can be applied in the real world. The shared interests could also encourage your child to pay more attention in school anticipating the time the two of you will spend in the home discussing and reviewing the material.  Take things a step further and plan educational excursions on those long Saturdays or weekends to emphasize the lesson for the week.  Consider a trip to the library and review magazines and other reading material that compliment what’s been taught.  Do a web search to find out how the topic can be applied in other parts of the world.  Small details like these could also help you uncover your child’s interests and begin focus on narrowing down a chosen career.

Parental involvement doesn’t stop there. You also have a responsibility to represent your child in the school system.  If you haven’t been taking advantage of things like parent-teacher conferences and the PTA/PTO, those are two ideal places to start.  A school without a PTA/PTO could benefit from you and other concerned parents taking time to organize one.  And although requiring dues is ideal to assist with projects that could help with improvements, keep in mind that many students of some poorly performing public schools have single parents who are either unemployed or underemployed and cannot tack on additional expenses.  Your focus is on recruiting parents to open lines of communication between you and the school system, and becoming actively involved in improving education. Take time to jot down ideas of how you think the school could make improvements.  If your school has ranked low among the state, suggest things like shadowing what would be considered an ideal school to model after.  Or forming a student government organization even in elementary schools to help those students learn that they are the key components to their school’s success. Ask the teacher to share weekly/monthly lesson plans and curriculum to make certain you have time to prepare your plan for reinforcing material at home.  Invite speakers to come and discuss the importance of education.  Introduce new ideas such as interactive education or a merit system.  For instance, when children are learning about nutrition and health, allow them to help plan healthy cafeteria lunches for a week or month or predetermined amount of time that reflect what they’ve learned and put knowledge into action.  Don’t forget to send notes alerting other parents so they can plan to follow through in the home.  Each effort that is made to support parental involvement and children’s accomplishments should reflect in the child’s desire to learn, thus motivating them to do better on standardized tests and essentially bringing the school system’s status up to par as a whole.   

Once you have become oriented to how the school system works, you can take your efforts to help make improvements further.  Advocate for updates needed to enhance children’s learning by attending open school board meetings and making helpful suggestions, researching educational grants online that pertain to what you hope to achieve in your child’s school and collaborating with other supportive organizations to discuss fundraising and development.  Things that could make a difference include projects other schools have gained national attention initiating, such as peer mentoring, switching from textbooks to eReaders and introducing creative modes of teaching in addition to standard classroom instruction.  Expand support to include social and community organizations that include community service and improvement efforts as part of their agenda.  Ask for assistance in tutoring and mentoring children that have parents who aren’t available to contribute to their child’s learning and education. 

Assisting with your child’s education is just one of the many duties of full-time parenting.  The efforts you make are not in vain.  What you contribute will make a lasting impression on your child and follow him or her into adulthood.  For more ideas on how you can become more actively involved, visit parents4publicschools.org .  To get current information about the education system visit ed.gov.   

  

The Big Girl's War On Obesity

The Big Girl Chronicles:  The Big Girl’s War On Obesity

The Big Girl was among the millions who included weight loss on the list of New Year Resolutions.  My vision was to become a new and improved, leaner version of myself, and I was a blazing inferno at the onset of the year, having dropped just over 10 lbs at my leanest.  At my mid-year goal check, I find that I now hold a place among the millions who have also fizzled out and reestablished a relationship with my former fat body and the extra pound she made friends with while I was away.  Oh, well.  I’ve pushed that cute little outfit I rewarded myself with to the back of the closet.  Not wanting my failure to be considered a total loss, I’ve decided to describe it instead as a pause – which is really the best way to explain it as weight is an ongoing struggle for anyone who aspires to manage it responsibly.  And in pausing, I have to retrace the series of events that led my plump behind in this circle.  This is what I’ve discovered about myself and my perceptions. 

Reality.  Check.

Once I made up my mind that I wanted to shed some weight, I began exercising and researching meal plans that I could tolerate to meet my goals.  Knowing that weighing myself would cause disappointment, I relied more on how my clothing fit than to be bothered with actual pounds as read by a scale.  As I noticed more room I became so excited thinking I’d at least dropped one pant or dress size with all the leeway I seemed to have in my current size.  Imagine how shocked I was to discover that I hadn’t lost quite enough to drop a size at all!  I was thinking that this couldn’t possibly be accurate.  So I had to take another look at my clothes and what I learned blew my mind.  I’d been buying elastic waist pants, skirts and clothing that didn’t give an actual number as a size.  “So what?” you’re probably thinking.  It turns out that I was actually delusional about what my exact size really is!  What I’d been doing  - for exactly how long I’m not sure – is stuffing myself into “a size.”  As I slimmed down, I imagine  I finally actually fit correctly into “a size” I refused to accept was actually too small to start with.  I’m laughing hilariously at myself while I’m typing this, but I’m also so much more empathetic of others who struggle with weight.  This has been quite an eye-opening experience.

I’ve been taking myself for granted.

There was a time when I had uber high adrenaline and could eat all those unhealthy and calorie packed goodies like pizza and cheeseburgers (my temptation – don’t forget the fries), not to mention all those super calorie-rich desserts, without much consideration for weight gain and health concerns.  That was before children and real life.  Now I have to constantly wrestle with those temptations.  Yet, this was one area where I was taking for granted that I’d continue my routines at the level of intensity and dedication I had when the pounds were dropping.  I would cheat on my meal plans more often than I care to think about because I had lost “x” amount of pounds and was going to hit the gym each day.  Now in hindsight I realize that had I have been more disciplined and stuck with my meal plan honestly, eating properly would be more of a habit now.   Had I have planned (there’s that word again) for those times I’d be unable to get to the gym as faithfully because of other responsibilities,  perhaps there would be a lot less gain also.  I’d decided it wasn’t necessary to become a calorie-counting obsessed maniac to lose weight and enjoyed a “eat at your own risk” ethic in dieting to my detriment. 

In January I posted The Big Girl’s Guide to Fitness Motivation and mentioned a strategy for adhering to an exercise regimen and healthy diet. One of the things that keeps The Big Girl from growing into what I consider an ideal woman is that I don’t discipline myself to do the things I know are necessary to maintain the level of responsibility that accompanies womanhood.  With regard to my trek to lose weight, I’m once again at a standstill with 20/20 hindsight.  It’s one thing to recycle information of which we’re all aware.  It’s a completely different thing to actually put that information into use and do so consistently and successfully.  

The Big Girl's Guide to Accountability

The Big Girl Chronicles:  The Big Girl’s Guide to Accountability

If you’ve ever spoken with someone about a relationship gone wrong, chances are you’ve been lulled or courted rather than given the truth about the situation.  I came into an awareness of this after having listened to myself try to explain away a failed relationship once.  My entire conversation was about how I’d been the most reasonable person and there was absolutely no way that any of what went wrong could’ve possibly been my fault.  The more I thought about what I’d done, the more I began to listen to others talk about failed relationships in their lives.  Whether that relationship was with an employer, business associate, friend or relative, it seems my goal in explaining why the relationship ended is more to get the listeners’ favor rather than give an actual account of events.  That could seem ideal, but I’ve found it to be something impossible to grow from.  The more I learn about my tendency to avoid accountability, the more challenged I am to overcome it.  This is how I got started.

Listen to yourself.

The first thing I had to do was check my language.  Anytime I discussed a failed relationship, I usually would explain all the things that I did that could be considered “right.”  I also noticed that when sharing about the other’s role in the relationship, I tended to only mention things the other did that could be considered “wrong.”  It works like a charm each and every time.  The listener becomes empathetic and convinced that the other involved is completely at fault.  My halo and angelic glow verify that the other person or entity involved is nothing but a predatory mess that happened to my innocent, naïve self. 

Take ownership of your flaws.

The truth is that living under the illusion of perfection is easier to do than having to actually acknowledge character flaws and correct them.   Learning self-discipline and accountability is hard work.  Staring at the truth reflecting back at you in the mirror is difficult.  However, the benefit of growing through this personal challenge and building character is priceless.  My blog post from August 2012, “The Big Girl’s Guide to Falling in Love…With YOU!” summarized a bit of the personal struggle I’ve had with self-acceptance.  It could be that I lacked accountability because I’ve not ever dealt with myself realistically.  To cope with my imperfections I went to the opposite extreme and denied any imperfections at all rather than acknowledge them and challenge them head-on.    Taking ownership of my faults and imperfections led to a clearer perception of the situation, and actually gave more confidence in myself.  Once I was able to say, “This is the kind of person I am and this is where I fell short in the relationship,” I could more accurately pinpoint how both myself and the other party involved could’ve handled things better. 

Grow.

Confronting yourself realistically is the most difficult part of the process.  Once I did so things got tremendously easier.   Doing a self-assessment helped redirect my focus.  It was no longer important who was at fault or whether or not I’d “won” someone else’s sympathy or favor.    The facts of the situation are what they are.  And it was incredibly liberating to not have to rehearse my version of the story so that I’m not the one who appears to be the cause of the relationship’s demise. 

Accepting accountability isn’t something I notice very much of in today’s world.  I can’t begin to imagine why it seems society at large has instead mastered avoidance and denial rather than practicing accountability for their actions.  I laugh as I think about that because if there is any remote chance of some kind of positive reinforcement we are quick to speak up and say, “Yes, I did this.”  However, if negative connotations are involved with our actions we’re somehow not to blame by any means.   I’m not sure where this trend began in society, but I’d bet that most of the social ills that plague society now can be traced back to some person or group or entity not accepting responsibility for their actions or role in creating the problem.    And as long as it continues to work, we’ll continue to practice avoidance and denial rather than accountability.  

The Big Girl's Guide to Flirting

The Big Girl Chronicles:  The Big Girl’s Guide to Flirting

Being a fairly recent divorcee has for quite some time left me in somewhat of a guarded zone.  I’m still trying to recoup from having spent over a decade of my life with someone to being (for the most part) alone.  It wasn’t until shopping in the mall recently that I realized the time for mourning my loss has come to an end.  I saw the most gorgeous guy that I’d laid eyes on (who wasn’t a celebrity) and didn’t realize I was staring until my children told me.  He was with someone.  Were they “together” together?  Were they just siblings or friends?  That’s when I realized how far removed from the dating game and flirting I’d become.  Perhaps you’re something like me, not necessarily having gone through divorce but have found yourself a little rusty in meeting and mingling with the opposite sex.  I’ve thought up a strategy so that I don’t embarrass myself, but tactfully communicate that I’m single and approachable.  Let me share some points with you.

If he’s with someone…

This guy was too gorgeous to just let the opportunity pass.  And I’m not vain, but the girl he was with--- let’s just say he could’ve been with me.  Now, having learned that you never know who you’re going to need or who knows who, I didn’t want to offend the young lady he was with.  So instead of approaching the gentleman, I got the young lady’s attention and gave her a nice warm smile.  I asked her, “Are the two of you together?” I know that seems really strange.  She kind of looked at me like I was trying to flirt with her, but that’s ok.  She smiled shyly and let out a slow “yes.”  I looked at him and replied, “Then you’re a very lucky girl.  He’s gorgeous.”  He was totally taken.  He smiled and lit up the room.  Both of them thanked me (he more than once) and I walked away.  That was my first official “flirt” since the new millennium (literally), and if I had to score myself I’d give myself a “C” because I didn’t want to appear to flirt with her, but I still felt as though it went well.  He got my compliment and she didn’t appear offended.  Should there be a next time, I’ve decided that it was good to approach the female.  Make her feel comfortable so she doesn’t want to cause a scene if she happens to be that type of girl.  Then indirectly compliment her man. 

… Or if he appears to be alone…

So to test my approach again, I saw another gentleman that was quite handsome as well.  He was seated alone.  There was a purse in the seat next to him.  As I slid past him in the narrow rows of those movie theater seats, I asked if he were with someone, pointing out the purse in the seat next to his.  He was like, “oh, yeah” like I wanted to be seated there, which wouldn’t have been such a bad idea.  I again offered the same line:  “She’s a lucky girl.”  This guy’s smile was so incredible.  I swear I’d almost always flirt if I could get a handsome man to smile like that.  Anyway, after  I took my seat I took notice of a woman returning to join him.  Again, I’m not vain.  I promise you.  But this was clearly one of those women who’s been too busy to pay herself the attention she should.  She had on a wedding set.  Probably like I was, has a couple of kids and just trying to steal away some time to spend with the hubby.  Oblivious to someone eyeing her man while she’s away. It’s kind of weird since I’m on the flip side that I would think this way.  But he was quite a handsome gentleman.  He got up and left the theater during the previews, and I was ever so tempted to go out and try to follow through just to see how far it could’ve gone.  Only I don’t really want to add homewrecker to my repertoire, so I didn’t.  But back to the flirting, the smiles that I got from these guys let me know that I’m kind of on the right track.  Either the women these guys were with don’t make them feel special enough, or don’t realize what they have.  So ladies, if you’re reading this, DO tell your man how attractive he is.  I don’t care what else is going on, if you’re still with him you need to give him the attention that I would be more than happy to shower upon him.  This is what I think works best if you plan on being a flirt.

Be subtle.

One thing you want to consider when flirting is the kind of man you want to attract.  If you employ cheap, tactless methods such as baring cleavage or “accidentally on purpose” physical contact and get a positive response, don’t then turn and complain or become insanely jealous when another person  does the  same and successfully garners his or her attention should the two of you become a couple.  Not only are you cluing him or her in to who you are and what you’re capable of, but you’re also getting a glimpse of what behavior can be expected.

Know when to walk away.

If your attempt at flirting is failing miserably, know when it’s time to walk away.  Unless you are a glutton for rejection, you’ll want to pick up on a definite “no” early to minimize embarrassment.  If there is that remote possibility that (s)he was just feeling too awkward to reciprocate your efforts, take a chance that (s)he will pick up where the two of you left off after (s)he reaches a level of comfort that will allow him or her to do so.  

Don’t take it personal.

Should your prodding for a possible connection not produce positive results, don’t get offended.  Remember that you initiated the act.  And in a world where you can never be sure what might happen, you don’t want to make a negative impression that could come back to bite you in the butt should the two of you happen to become coworkers or whatever situation life might find you in together.  Keep it pleasant and amicable.

If you’re a little rusty in the area of flirting, getting noticed can be quite challenging.  But don’t lose heart!  After all, you never know when a flirtatious wink or smile could prove rewarding.  And if you get rejected, learn from the experience and make improvements.  Good luck!