Black History Month Tribute 2014

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Black History Month 2014

In pausing to review the approach I took toward this time to collectively remember and celebrate Black History Month last year, I decided that for this year in addition to digging through black history books and meditating on quotations of noteworthy African Americans I don’t have to search much further than my grandmother’s house to get an account of black life in history.   No matter who you are, the wisdom and experience of the elderly is a wealth of knowledge for anyone wanting to peer into history and learn of the struggles, ideas and accomplishments birthed from our race in this nation.

Among the most significant of memories that my grandmother has shared about her recollection of life in the past is the social unrest that was prevalent then.  Many of the things that we now only get a glimpse of in movies were everyday, commonplace occurrences that couldn’t be “cured” or banished with a click of the remote.  She has shared exactly where she was and what she was doing upon learning of assassinations of historical black leaders such as Medgar Evers, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr.  She has described the tension that resulted from those events and the effect that trickled down to life in this small town.  The conversations that were had among her peers, the churches and others who were fearful and helpless of the plight of that struggle provide new insight into the bravery men and women of that time exhibited just to continue to get up and go to work each day.  To be able to reach out and touch living history is an indescribable privilege.

It never fails.  Each time I think about the course of events that have guaranteed my freedom today I’m in awe how others can not be committed to quality education.  Can not be committed to exercising a right to vote.  Can not be committed to those things that were fought for and paid with the precious lives of those that had a vision for our race of people to be more than secondhand servants and menial laborers, but rise to their potential to share the responsibility of moving the nation forward in quality healthcare, in justice, in technology and science and every aspect of productive life.  It seems so much has been and is being taken for granted that I can’t help but wonder how our generation would fair if faced now with the same challenges that our ancestors overcame then.  How “free” would we be today?

One thing is certain.  Learning about the past creates a renewed appreciation for my now.  In healthy communities there is ease of access to housing, businesses and institutions of learning for all citizens, regardless of color.  In healthy societies we are free to love, share and communicate with our peers regardless of those things that kept us separated during the turbulence of the civil rights movement.  There might be kinks that remain and surface from time to time.  But with a healthy outlook and compare/contrast of then and now, should there be a downfall it might result more from our own self-defeating ideals and practices rather than from anyone else.  This Black History Month be sure to include the wisdom and experiences of those matriarchs in your family among the celebration and remembrance of our historical figures.

New You, New Love and Your First VDay!!!

The Big Girl Chronicles:  New You, New Love and Your First VDay!!!

I’ll be alone on Valentine’s Day.  Again.  Yep.  For me this will be another lovers’ holiday that I’ll plant myself in front of the television with my fave snack and binge on calories and break-up movies.  The ones without the happy endings.  But wait a moment… didn’t I just start my new year off my celebrating a renewed sense of self?  So… wouldn’t it be counterproductive to shut myself inside and defeat my resolutions by soaking up calories and heartache?  If I don’t feel that I’m worth more effort than that then why should anyone else?  How about I plan to carry over my renewed sense of self and purpose for the new year with a renewed sense of self-love and self-worth?  It couldn’t hurt what I’ve already doomed to be another lonesome holiday.  So, what’s the plan?

Redefine what “it” is to you.

Valentine’s Day has long been “the day” for lovers to “love” each other.  For those of us that sit that day out, it’s more of a cruel “rub-it-in-your-face-I-have-someone-and-you-don’t” morbid kind of holiday where there are excessive displays of wasted money floating around and being delivered in cheap vases and heart-shaped boxes of diabetes and calories.   At every turn we’re met with magazine covers of couples and their “secrets” of romance and longevity in love.  Hmmm… Instead of giving this day over to those who require large sums of money be spent on them buying gaudy jewelry and other over-priced items that have retailers celebrating Christmas early each year, I’ll decide what I want VDay to be.  And I’ll begin by loving myself and the fact that my meager little pocket book will be that much richer because there was no perceived obligation to hunt for gifts and purchase cards.  Instead, I’ll plan to do a few of my favorite things.  Like cash in my frequent buyer or customer loyalty “freebies.”  Or go to a local fast food joint and quietly poke fun at all the people who spent too much on junk to afford a more sophisticated dining experience for the evening.  (I’m kidding.)  Ooo, how about I turn this into my own personal version of April Fool’s Day and send that jerk of an ex-boyfriend a “valentine” from “Belle” that just happens to get delivered while he’s cooing over his new love-interest!  (I just felt my horns growing.) Seriously though, instead of focusing on Valentine’s Day as it is traditionally celebrated, I can begin and continue my personal fete or interpretation.  And although it sounds cliché, I can learn to love myself - or rather renew the love of self - rather than expect validation that I am loved from some significant other once a year.  Get closer to who you are by journaling.  Each year you can review what you’ve learned about yourself especially from this experience. 

Focus on L-O-V-E

Have you ever thought about what love actually is?  A “feeling?”  A “relationship?”  A promise or commitment?  If you can’t quite put a staple in what love is for you, then how can you expect to discern genuine love from another?  In fact, I think I’ve been doing it wrong.  I’ve been depending on my partner at the time to “make me feel” loved.  And although that has happened, the success rate for relationships built upon the “feel” foundation has been ZERO.  I do know how I treat others that I love.  The concern that I have for them.  The things that aren’t necessary but things I do just to give that extra something – not only on special days or occasions either, but throughout the year.  The language that I use.  So… how do I love myself?  And how good am I at doing it?  How do I make myself feel?  What value do I place on myself?  Am I committed to becoming the best person I am capable of being?  In keeping with my goals and standards, do I say to myself “you didn’t achieve all your goals from last year so you might as well save yourself the disappointment and ditch those resolutions” or “with just a little more effort you can get a few more goals from last year accomplished along with this year?”  Loving myself doesn’t always mean bailing myself out, just as I wouldn’t let a loved one off so easy.  Would you forsake your health goals if you love yourself?  Or would you want to be the healthiest you possible?  Taking into consideration how you express love toward others and applying that to how you show and give love to yourself could be key to renewing your love of self.  You could also incidentally become a better partner to someone else because you have a renewed love and value of self rather than depending upon someone else to fill your emotional deficits.  Give it a try this VDay.  Make it instead all about how you show love for yourself.   

Although some of my thoughts might come across a little “salty,” the point is that there is no one who can love you better than you. So, Congratulations!  You just spent your first VDay loving and appreciating you rather than participating in a parade of emotional co-dependents.  And though you might find yourself among the singles for this couple’s day, that doesn’t take away from your identity or self-worth.  As a matter of fact, your character is that much stronger.  And as much as I wish the best for you as we brave this VDay alone, these comments become null and void if I find a sweetheart before you to spend my couple’s day with. 

Good luck!

HAPPY NEW YOU 2014!!!

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Happy New YOU 2014!!!

My 2013 Year-In-Review reveals some moderate highs… and lows.  Although I didn’t accomplish everything on my list of personal “renovations,” I am glad to mention that there were some things I did succeed in.  So as I begin to revise my resolutions for the forthcoming year I am eager about the challenge to take those improvements and continue to build while re-listing those goals that I missed for the New Year.  The thought of not having achieved a few of those goals I was most excited about can make the New Year seem as though it’ll only be an instant replay of 2013.  I mean, here it is another year and instead of building on this goal I’m still on the ground floor trying to figure out how to get things up and moving.  What is it about this “thing” that I can’t seem to make it happen?

Upon taking a look at the goals I held myself accountable for by writing them down and the record of progress I kept by journaling, I can detail what actions were helpful and what I could have done better.  Comparing the energy I put into those things I conquered successfully, it could be that I didn’t approach each goal with the same intensity and dedication as those that have remained undone.  Uh oh!  I just realized something about myself!  Those things that I felt most intimidated about were overshadowed by some of the “easier” stuff.  I’ll admit it.  I chickened out on maximizing the effort towards accomplishing the more difficult stuff and pacified myself by focusing more on the easier stuff.  A form of self-sabotage.  Once I continue through my list I realize that I must now increase my level accountability for each goal.  My new list of resolutions will include time constraints for each goal.  Time allocated for each goal means that I won’t spend too much time on the easy stuff.

As I read through my record of progress, I also realize that there are some things that I didn’t anticipate having to do to achieve my goal.  Although I had fabulous ideas about what I wanted to accomplish, I didn’t thoroughly research what bringing those ideas into fruition entails.  Seems like such a silly oversight, but it bears mentioning that in order to not set yourself up for failure - or become overly dependent upon “divine intervention” - following the steps of any goal or process from start to finish gives a complete idea of what’s required of you to make it happen before you commit to it. 

A healthy balance of criticism is also necessary in my evaluation of my 2013 performance.  Honestly, there were some things that were beyond my control.  Therefore, I shouldn’t critique myself too harshly in those areas where I did the research, put forth the effort but was short on resources.  The dilemma now becomes whether the goal should be expanded or if the challenge is worth the end result.  In either case, give yourself fair credit where credit is due. 

Having to continue adding the same goal year after year can uncover a need for some soul-searching.  If this goal is something that I feel I want badly enough to continue to give attention to it year after year but to no avail, the question becomes should I continue to try or let it go(?).  Why (other than what I’ve already considered above) is this something I continue in each year?  Am I doing this for my benefit?  Or am I doing this for someone else?  Some honest, personal self-reflection could be all that’s needed to actually end up dumping baggage cleverly disguised as goals and aspirations to make room for things that would actually improve my life and well-being. 

Have you made your New Year’s Resolutions?  If you’re like millions of others, your New Year’s Resolutions go something like “to lose the weight and gain more wealth.”  Or kick a bad habit.  While those are some good places to make improvements, I want you to take a more in depth look at what you would really dare to admit that you would want this New Year to make happen for you.  I know there’s something more that would be uncovered if we start peeling back the layers that have kept you floating through life and maintaining the status quo.  Just make certain that you aren’t lugging someone else’s baggage and are being realistic about what it is you want to achieve.  If you’re up to the challenge, why not push yourself to do more than trim off some pounds and ante up the savings?  Find out what’s been holding you back and make your journey more interesting.  Are you ready?  Happy NEW YOU 2014!!!!!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2013

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2013

Nestled in the corner seat of a cozy dining room, I listened intently as a breast cancer survivor in her sixties recants her battle with the breast cancer from almost 20 years ago.  She described the doctor finding benign tumors of various sizes that had gone undetected along with a growth measuring just under a centimeter that had to be removed.  I get a glimpse of the pain and anxiety she had to endure during the weeks of recovery from her facial expressions as she describes the treatments and follow-up visits.   “I always knew that something was wrong.  I’d had problems with my breasts for years,” she shares.  “So, getting checked was a must.” Fortunately, her early detection caught the cancerous growth before it could spread and she’s not had another bought with the disease.  Her testimony speaks volumes as to why women simply must make self-checks and annual mammograms a priority. 

“I’ve never had problems with my breast,” you say.  Don’t take that for granted.  Early detection is the single most important factor to surviving the disease.  In this case, early detection was detrimental to maintaining health with the least complications.  “I have no family history,” you say.  Although family history of breast cancer increases your risk, not having a family history doesn’t exclude you as a possible candidate for breast cancer.  Listen to the testimonials those who’ve faced the disease have to share and heed their advice. 

If you’ve been fortunate enough not to have had a breast cancer scare then take this month to not only continue in preventive measures such as self checks and routine mammograms, but focus on being a supporter of breast cancer research and other breast cancer survivors.  Below are a few resources for more information:

The Susan G. Komen Foundation

Komen.org

American Cancer Society

Cancer.org

National Breast Cancer Foundation

Nationalbreastcancer.org

Pink Ribbon Store.com (every order funds mammograms for women in need)

Make time to get checked.  If you know someone who hasn’t been checked, suggest that they accompany you.  Don’t take your body for granted.  Invest in your health.

   

Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan (pt 4)

You’ve gotten your child acclimated to a new school district and secured a place in the school’s parent organization.  With a plan for academic success as to how you and your school can work together to provide the best educational opportunities available, you would think that things would go smoothly.  But… and there’s always that word tagging along no matter what you do… now comes another task.  As the academic year progresses, extracurricular activities become another role that you and your child must manage together. 

The role of extracurricular activities in your child’s academic career should not be underestimated.   As a whole, academics and extracurricular activities go hand in hand in shaping your child’s views about life, how to manage difficult situations, teamwork and healthy competition.  Also, your child will reflect upon the experiences (s)he has had throughout his or her education when making decisions in adulthood.  There’s no problem as long as your child makes the team.  But, what happens when (s)he doesn’t?  And as a parent, how do you help to make sure that your child’s desire to do more and participate in school clubs and organizations continues to build character and shape ideal citizens rather than destroy self esteem?    

If your child’s school district is willing to do all that is reasonably possible to assist in meeting the potential of each child, they will likely have pieced together some alternatives that can expand the range of programs, clubs, organizations, competitive sports and other extracurricular activities available for students to participate.  I’ve noticed that some schools have “A” and “B” teams for sports so that more children get the opportunity to play.  If that’s something that your child’s school hasn’t done consider suggesting it as an option.  The “A” and “B” concept can also be expanded to include cheerleading, dance and others. 

Should your school district not offer  an option similar to the “A” and “B” concept, there are some community organizations and churches sponsor youth sports organizations where your child is guaranteed to play for a small fee.  These organizations also do a range of competitive sports in addition to cheerleading, dance and other activities comparable to those in schools.  If there is no resource like this available in your area you can get with other parents who have children that didn’t make the cut and contact www.upward.org to get information about how to organize one in your area. 

Because recruitment and tryouts typically happen around the same time each year, why not get with other parents with children who hope to compete and organize an informal “summer camp” with someone who can help them practice and learn the basics?  The added confidence and experience could be just the edge needed to produce a better outcome for the next time. 

Consider alternatives like Boy/Girl Scouts to satisfy your child’s need to be included in activities outside of school.  It’s considerably less expensive than Youth Sports Organizations that are managed by community organizations and churches.  And when lead properly they provide valuable character and skill-building opportunities that will help shape ideal citizens. 

Honestly, there is only so much that school can do.  As much as your child’s school would like to take every child under their wing, when it comes to extracurricular activities and competitive sports the school wants to be represented well by the best there is.  Unfortunately, that might leave your child a spectator rather than a participant.  However, like most parents you’re likely not willing to accept that.  I’ve spoken with parents who have expressed disappointment at how schools manage recruitment and tryouts of extracurricular activities to the point that the parent withdraws their participation from all school organizations.  Although I empathize with their frustration, I also realize that trying to effect change from the outside looking in is limiting.  If there is more that can be done to encourage schools to be more inclusive of those students who continuously get sidelined, you’re going to have to opt for fight rather than flight.

    

Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan (pt 3)

Among the most effective of ways to enhance your child’s academic experience is in joining your child’s school PTO.  Trying to find an active part can seem a little intimidating at first, but after joining you can review the projects and discuss with the members where you think your help would be most effective. If your child’s school PTO is wanting to beef up their projects, some activities that could be helpful include the following:

1)    During Nutrition Week when children learn about healthy living and eating habits, suggest that the school nutritionist consider allowing a day or week where the kids can plan the school menu.  This is a great way for kids to integrate what they’ve learned into everyday life.

2)    As a fundraiser for things like school beautification and other interests not entirely funded by the education budget, suggest that parents and kids lend their talents to donate and host a sale or auction.  Whether it’s a coupon for a free or discounted activity such as hairstyling or even babysitting, every little bit can be helpful.  You can make a “family night” of it by providing brown bag goodies and inviting families out for inexpensive games and activities.

3)    If your school is stumped as to how they can improve participation and increase funds, it could be a good idea to connect with a PTO that has a solid membership and history of successful fundraising and project completion for suggestions.  It might even be helpful to shadow their meetings and activities for a short time to bring fresh ideas to your school district.  

4)    Take advantage of all that social media has to offer and establish a twitter, facebook or other page to stay connected and network with not only your school district participants but others as well.  That’s the easiest way to stay with trends and share ideas. 

5)    Don’t shy from programs that offer educational incentives like BoxTops for Education and others.  The rewards that they provide simply for being more conscious of what products you purchase can only add to resources your child’s school PTO can use to make improvements. You could find that most of your members use these brands already. 

Participating in your child’s education is among the most memorable of experiences you will have.  Keeping things fun and minimizing stress makes it less of a chore and more like something to look forward to.  Although the suggestions above aren’t original, they could be tweaked or newly integrated into your child’s current school district to regain interest and improve membership in school parent organizations.  Keep it fun.  But most of all, keep the focus on creating an environment for your child that is conducive to learning and building character.  

Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Parenting and Public Schools Performance Improvement Plan (pt 2)

Ok. So, you did it.  You managed to relocate your family to a new city.  Now comes the next of many firsts in a new area that can be equally as much a headache as it is one of the many rewards of parenting.  The next feat to which I’m referring is getting your child off successfully for the first day of school and acclimated to a new school district.  Relocating to a different area you quickly learn that things happen differently, good or bad.  But don’t get discouraged!  Depending upon where you relocated from, your experiences could prove useful to get you on the road to becoming an active participant in your new community.  This is also an opportunity to network and build relationships that could prove valuable as you settle into your new environment.  Some suggestions that can be made include the following:

Back 2 School Night

After completing the registration process, I monitored the news, school marquees and local media eagerly anticipating the announcement of some sort of back-to-school event.  There was none.  So, my children and I arrived the first day of school totally clueless about what to expect.  I stopped one of the school staff and inquired about what we should do.  Her first comment was, “Oh, you’re new,” before she tried to give instructions about where we should go.  That’s when I realized that new families must not relocate to this area often.  Then I immediately reflected upon how smoothly things went on the first day of school at the departed school district.  Something as simple as a Back 2 School Night is an opportunity that isn’t costly and has many advantages for both newcomers and existing parents and students.  Here’s why.

1)     I moved with 3 children to navigate through this new school district.  Two of them were at one school while the other had to attend a different school.  The first immediate benefit of a Back 2 School Night held for a couple hours on a day prior to the first day of school is that parents – especially those with more than one child in the school system – would have the opportunity to tour the new school and become familiar with where their child(ren) will be.  This would be tremendously helpful to ease anxiety for the new students who could already have some nervousness about attending a new school.  In my case, I had to trust that my oldest daughter who isn’t that far in age from my youngest and attends the same school could find her way so that I could hold my youngest child’s hand and help her find her teacher and classroom. 

2)    The Back 2 School Night would ease parent anxiety, especially working parents who’ll have more confidence dropping their child(ren) off on that first day without having to take time off (if you’re a working parent) during the first morning of classes to do this.

3)    Back 2 School Night is an excellent opportunity to get those school supplies delivered as well as those annoying first of the school year forms signed that usually come home during the first week or so.  You can pick up your schedule(s), student handbook(s), course syllabus and other important info then and take the opportunity to review these things with your child prior to their first day.

4)    While children can take this opportunity to meet new faces and possibly reconnect with old classmates, parents can begin to familiarize themselves with the teachers and staff. 

5)    This is the best opportunity to get first dibs on new parents as PTO and other school support program participants.  Parents that are eager to have their child(ren) make a good first impression are more likely to volunteer their time and talent for fundraisers and school functions.

Anything that can be done to minimize anxiety and make getting off to school is definitely worth the effort.  And there is no better way to welcome newcomers into your school district than to have an organized plan for the first day of school.  If this is something that isn’t done at your child’s school, perhaps giving Back 2 School Night a try could yield some positive results that will make it a staple in the annual reconvening of your child’s school district.