The Big Girl Chronicles: How to Sabotage An Interview
Yes, you’ve read the title correctly. I wish I could share with you how to ace an interview. I have an idea of what an impressive interview is. However, The Big Girl recently totally flubbed a chance to become gainfully employed. If you’ve followed my blog, you know that I like to share personal experiences - successes and failures. No matter how catastrophic, I choose to project positive energy. So, because my most recent failure was so disappointing I decided to put a spin on it. I realize that there are actually some people out there who interview for jobs that they don’t want. Ironically, those are more than likely the people that get hired. Thus, I’ve decided to piece together my strategy for sabotaging an interview.
Don’t research the company and know nothing of the area(s).
How much sense does it make to have a few facts handy about who you’ll be working for and what target population/area(s) you’ll serve? Never ever do this. After all, they’re the ones that are in need of your services. Plan to be present for your interview completely ignorant of anything more than what the solicitation or ad described the position to be. This way, you get to test their recruiting skills. Who wants to work for someone who isn’t knowledgeable of or excited about their own company?
Confusion is the new avoidance.
What was that again? If there’s a question that you don’t know the answer to, never admit that. It’s instead a good idea to forget that...um...what’s it called?...that thing...The thought escapes my mind at the present moment. Another technique is to ramble on endlessly about insignificant details to avoid answering a question. Throw around a couple of important terms to make it seem as though you can speak their language and you’re really on a roll. Nothing is more impressive than psychobabble. Politicians have used this technique to stall progress for years, only they call it “filibustering.”
That isn’t really what you want to know, now is it?
We’ve all had interview questions that left us stumped. But you’re still expected to give an answer, right? You sit in the hot seat, sweaty palms and racing pulse, trying to make a good impression then get duped with a tricky question. Don’t allow your potential employer to dictate all the questions. Turn the tables. Instead, redirect their attention to another area that you feel comfortable discussing. Tell them what questions you’d like to answer as punishment for asking such lame questions. Respond obnoxiously or with cynicism, unapologetically.
The lasting impression.
At the conclusion of the interview, never appear grateful for the opportunity. Act as if you’ve done the potential employer a favor by participating in their recruitment efforts and quest to find a candidate. If nothing else, their experience interviewing you has added some excitement to an otherwise boring and monotonous process. Make your exit confident that you are the master of manipulation and sabotage. Be sure to tell them that you’ll give them a call if you’re interested in pursuing the vacancy any further.
The above suggestions are surefire methods for removing yourself from consideration among a pool of applicants. This way, you have succeeded at fulfilling the expectancy that you actively seek employment and participate in every interview without looking like you don’t want really want to work or weren’t really that interested in the position. Congratulate yourself on an impeccable performance!