Friday, April 12, 2013

Date or Dump?

The Big Girl ChroniclesDate? or DUMP?
Okay.  So, you’ve been spending time with someone that you’re really beginning to feel connected to.  (S)he has been all those things that you think would make the two of you an ideal couple.  Only you’re not quite sure.  Have the two of you dug deep enough to connect with the “real” person?  Or are you still hiding who you really are?  Below are a couple of hypothetical situations to help you decide if you should continue to date or dump your newest love interest.  Have fun discussing these scenarios.

Scenario 1: 

You’ve been dating for 3 months.  The two of you have had great conversations, and have spent enough time together that (s)he feels comfortable enough to host your first dinner date at home.  The ambience perfectly complements the romantic candlelit dinner. Your date has finished an entire bottle of wine, and you can tell that (s)he’s not accustomed to drinking that much.  After dinner, you begin to watch a steamy, romantic movie that’s been chosen for evening entertainment.  Clearly tipsy, your date begins to flirt and come on strong.  The two of you have never discussed being intimate, but that doesn’t seem to matter right now.  What do you do?

How your new love interest responds to this question could provide valuable insight into what kind of behavior you can expect not only with you, but in other compromising situations as well.  And although we’ve all made dating mistakes in the past, the present response will clearly enlighten you of what has been learned (if anything) from those past mistakes.  The answer to this question could shed some light on how your new love interest values you, and should help you decide if you should continue to date or opt to dump him or her.
Scenario 2:

It’s been 6 months of dating and the two of you haven’t been intimate yet.  You think of your new love interest as a breath of fresh air from the nagging, boring others that you’ve dated in the past.  The time you spend together is refreshing, but your new love interest is constantly suggesting expensive nights, events and locations.  Although you both are employed, your love interest makes more money than you. However, you’re always expected to pay.  Finally, you suggest that (s)he foot the bill for the next date or go dutch.  Suddenly you have difficulty making contact via social media, email, phone or otherwise.  After a few weeks, (s)he calls suggesting another date that’s pricey.  What do you do? 

It’s chivalry versus modern dating.  Or is it?  With new dating rules that there basically are no rules, traditionally assigned roles no longer exist.  Yet, the response to this question should clue you in… to who YOU are.  Do you continue to date this person?  Or is it time to dump him or her and move on to the next one?    

Scenario 3:

The past 5 months have been fantastic.  You’ve met a person that seems to be the total package.  Goal-oriented.  Educated.  Upwardly mobile.  Decent earning potential.  And the cherry on top…Charismatic, fun and witty.  It can’t get any better than this.  The two of you share common goals for the future and hold similar values.  You’re ready to talk about engaging in a monogamous, exclusive relationship with plans for marriage somewhere in the future if all goes according to plan.  Then you find out that your new “perfect love” has children (plural).  Making a commitment to someone with a ready-made family is definitely a “don’t,” and wouldn’t be received well among your family.  Although you’re not prepared for nor are you interested in becoming a step-parent, you aren’t ready to end the relationship.  What do you do?

Dating is one thing.  However, when things begin to get serious, kids can change all the rules.  Many times when choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with, that vision includes the two of you building a family together.  Again, with modern dating, there could be more give and take than you were prepared for.  If you’ve found someone you have great chemistry with and interest in, that could mean having to compromise in other areas.  Do you continue to date and adjust to the “pre-existing conditions?”  Or do you dump him or her in hopes of finding that same chemistry in someone else after another 250,000 dates?

Scenario 4:

That person you’ve been crushing on has finally noticed you.  The two of you have been out on a couple of dates that have really gone well.  You’re hopeful that this could be the start of a romance. 
While out one evening, a person calls your date to the side.  They appear to be having a serious, heated conversation.  The other person seems emotionally involved.  After the conversation, the other person passes by your area.  You realize that the person your date was talking with is the former gay lover of one of your best friends.  You notice that your date appears equally discombobulated by their conversation and seems distant the remainder of the date.  What do you do?

The scenarios above are interesting to consider should you ever find yourself in one of those sticky situations and are uncertain what you should do.  How you and your peers respond could also spark interesting conversation.  Have fun discussing these and continue with scenarios of your own to share!

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