Happy New Year 2013!

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Happy New Year 2013!

HAPPY NEW YEAR2013!!!  I don’t know what 2012 was for you.  If it was a trying year, then farewell.  Let’s make a fresh start.  If it was among the best, then let’s keep the momentum flowing into year 2013.  Either way, the New Year brings with it a new beginning and time for us to pause amidst our celebrating and do some personal reflection.  What did you learn about yourself in 2012?  What do you plan to do with that information in 2013?  I’ve learned that I’m still just a big girl.  I haven’t graduated to womanhood just yet, but I’m 365 days (and steps) closer to my vision of the woman I intend to become.  I’ve also learned more about what I want to do and what I’m willing to withstand to do that.   

With a New Year comes the tradition of making New Year’s resolutions.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve done so in the past only to abandon your resolutions within the first couple of months, this time could be different.  After you’ve done your personal reflection, think of what goals you’ve yet to accomplish and what changes if any are needed to put you closer to achieving them.  Resolve to begin this New Year with a healthier attitude and envision your transformation.  This is your year.  This year will be what you make of it.  Auld Lang Syne! 

2012 in review:

Whatever embarrassment, laugh at yourself.

Whatever sin, forgive yourself.

Whatever imperfection, love yourself.

Whatever situation, be yourself.

Whatever discovery, appreciate yourself.

Whatever disappointment, encourage yourself.

Whatever challenge, push yourself.

Whatever dream, dare yourself.

And in all things, respect yourself.

    

Response to Recent Gun Violence

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Response to Recent Acts of Gun Violence

I’m sitting and staring at the cursor blinking on the screen, trying to gather thoughts to share and extend my support for the victims of the recent incidents of violence.  What is there to say?  How do you respond to victims that are trying to cope with senseless violence?  Images of children excited about the Christmas Holiday and the gifts neatly wrapped awaiting them under the Christmas tree flash through my mind.  Families that had hoped and prayed for the birth of the child lost are mourning during this season that was carefully thought out for their little one.  What can you say to that?  Empathizing with the families causes us to want to assign blame.  Blame the schools.  They were unprepared.  Blame the parents.  They didn’t do enough to protect us from their child.  Blame the gun makers or owners or sellers.  Why do we need guns?

The truth is violence is a part of our world every single day.  Whether it’s the video games, what we watch on television or a hobby, we are exposed to violence daily.  It seems a good idea to restrict access to guns, but that isn’t the focus.  If the perpetrators of these crimes didn’t have access to guns, the plans that were made to do this would’ve involved some other deadly weapon.  The focus is on the logic that led to these crimes.  Many people take part in these activities that don’t go out and become violent with real people.  What is it that pushes some toward rationalizing violence as a solution?  Some would say it was bullying, which is an assault that can be both physical and psychological.  The mental abuse that happens when a person is bullied can have tremendous consequences on the victim, abuser and unfortunately others who could have had nothing to do with the abuse.  Others have cited mental illness.  Yet the facts are that there are millions who suffer mental illness that also never become violent.

While we are picking apart the tragedy and trying to arrive at some sort of solution to make us feel safe or hope that we can prevent such tragedy from recurring, let’s not forget that the perpetrators are also victims of their own actions.  It’s important not to demonize the perpetrators or take this opportunity to dump all the labels and ills that we can.  Once we stop seeing human beings, we become ineffective at teaching how important it is to preserve the sanctity of human life.  As parents, talk with your children about violence.  Make certain that they understand the difference between what is considered entertainment and reality.  Also teach and model appropriate behavior when faced with issues of anger management.  It could be that some commit such senseless acts due to a lack of knowledge about appropriate forms of expression, feeling that their “power” was taken away or that they were being ignored.  Whatever the reason, healthy communication is the path to understanding and guidance.  

This holiday season, take a moment to say a prayer for the families of the victims of these crimes.  Realize that the time we have to share with family is precious and should never be taken for granted.  Include in your New Year resolutions a goal to make more time doing constructive things with your child if you’re a parent, and remain mindful of how your child is spending his or her time.  Enjoy your holiday season among family in a warm and nurturing environment.  Season’s greetings. 

The Big Girl's Guide to Hosting the Perfect Budget-Friendly Party

The Big Girl Chronicles:  The Big Girl’s Guide to Hosting the Perfect Budget-Friendly Party

Did someone say “party?”  Let the fun begin!  Envisioning what you want your party to be and bringing that vision into fruition can put a fizzle on your fun.  To avoid the pre-party pooper, plan plan and plan again as much in advance as you can to make the process smooth.  You could possibly have just as much fun planning as you anticipate your event will be on that big day! 

Theme

Before you decide to make a guest list, it could be helpful to decide what kind of party you want to have.  For example, some of your guests could be hesitant to do an outdoor pool party and would feel more comfortable attending something more elegant and reserved.  Also, deciding upon a theme early will make the selection of invitations, decorations and location easier.

Guest list

With your theme in mind, begin making a list of those most likely to attend that will add to the milieu you hope to create.  Try to avoid personalities that you know will clash unless you have specific plans to mediate between the two.  If there’s a best friend that you know won’t mesh well with what you’re planning, it’s ok to invite him or her to help with some other tasks so as not to have him or her feel as though (s)he is being left out.  It could be a good idea also to take into consideration who of your guests smokes and who doesn’t.

Costs

Now that you have a general idea what kind of party you hope to have and about how many people you hope to entertain,  begin budgeting for expenses like invitations, food, decorations, rental fees, music, giveaways or favors, etc.  If you plan far enough ahead, you can minimize these expenses drastically.  There are a variety of software packages available on most computers that have fonts and art appropriate for creating your own personalized invitations.  For those who are gifted in crafts, there are limitless creative possibilities. Research ideas online.  Creative use of simple things like construction paper, string or yarn, newspaper and spray paint can make it appear as though you spent a ton for pennies on the dollar. 

The ambience you create will definitely define the mood of your extravaganza.  Deciding upon a location is essential to creating the right vibe to carry your party from start to finish.  Try to avoid places where there will be constant distractions or bothersome interruptions.  You also want to make sure that your location isn’t too difficult to find if you are expecting guests that aren’t familiar with the area and offers a "Plan B" area in cases of unexpected (and uninvited) weather .  Spaces that offer an open plan could prove easier to work with than having to dash in and out of different rooms.  Be certain to check what is included in your rental fee for the space.  Will you be responsible for chairs and tables?  Or are a certain number of these available to you?  Can you rent additional tables and chairs for a fee with the lease?  Whatever you decide, make certain your space is functional and easy to transform into the vision you hope to create.  In many instances, if you have the space, you can host a fabulous event in your own back yard for an economical alternative to rental spaces.    

If you decide against a live band you can still have live entertainment by having your guests sing for their supper with karaoke instead, which would also add a bit of fun to your festivities, is appropriate for most occasions and rather inexpensive.  Another alternative is to load your mp3 device with music appropriate for your guests and occasion.  Rent a couple of speakers for outdoor occasions or employ your surround sound and you’ve set your event to music.

It’s pretty safe to say that food is the most expensive consideration when hosting a party.  Caterers are pricey, and doing it on your own is both expensive and time consuming.  All the costs you can trim from the other categories can help make this a success.  After all, it will be one of the major points of reflection on your event.  If you have friends and family who are willing to help, take advantage of their kindness.  Buy items in bulk from places like Sam’s Club where you can get large quantities slightly cheaper than grocery store prices.  Consider doing hors d’oeuvres and one featured entrée to cleverly minimize costs.  For that finishing touch, simple desserts like cakes and pies adorned with fresh flowers make a wonderful presentation for little to no added cost. 

When?

When scheduling a date for your party, unless it is in observance of a specific holiday, avoid dates that could conflict with holiday travel and family time.  Being conscious of holidays also lessens the likelihood that whatever space you decide to use won’t be booked for celebrations or family reunions.  Once you have a date in mind, send out an RSVP with a “save-the-date” to get a general idea of how many of your guests will be available.  Include on your RSVP any food allergies your guests might have, whether or not (s)he will bring a guest and a deadline to respond.  If you can afford to do so, include postage to make certain your RSVPs are received in a timely matter.  Or opt to have your guests respond via email.  If you don’t expect the RSVP to be a keepsake, online invitations are a fabulous alternative at no cost to you!

Ready? Set. Party!

Once you’ve confirmed a headcount, you’re ready to put all your hard work into action.  Take time to tally up what you can expect to have to spend per guest for things like favors, food and other costs. It could even be helpful to create a spreadsheet. You’ll want to constantly keep track of spending and minimize overage.  Solicit help from volunteers to get deposits and reservations made.  Decide upon flatware and tableware that add to your chosen theme.  Depending upon how you decorate your tables, you could get away with simple paper plates at your local dollar store or general store.  Other places to find bargains are at stores like Hudson’s, TJMaxx and Marshall’s that offer huge discounts on discontinued items.  If you plan to make your own decorations, how about hosting a mini get together with some volunteers to get them done! 

The day before your event, you’ll want to call and confirm everything.   Accomplish as much decorating as possible.  Check the weather again and have an alternative in mind should there be an unexpected change.  Have someone volunteer to do random video during the event for a nice memento for you and possible gift for your guests.  If you can’t find a volunteer, set up a tripod for your guests to have at it instead.  Get that manicure and pedicure done, along with a hairdo that puts the finishing touches on your look.  Double check your garb. Get a good night’s rest, and wake up refreshed and prepared to tackle those last minute errands like picking up ice and fresh flowers.  If you’ve elected to have a co-host, make certain the two of you are clear on who’s going to be responsible for what, especially clean up.  Accept offers of help after your event to clean up or designate helpers if necessary.  Try to get as much done early in the day as possible so that you have an hour or two to rest up before you expect your guests to begin to arrive.  As soon as the doorbell rings, it’s lights, camera, ACTION!  Your party’s on!  Put your hosting skills into action as only you know how and enjoy the success you’ve made of your event!       

World AIDS Day 2012

The Big Girl Chronicles:  World AIDS Day 2012

“Working Together For An AIDS-Free Generation”

A globally estimated 33.3 million people have been diagnosed with one of the most destructive pandemics in history.  This destructive force to which I’m referring is HIV.  HIV/AIDS has claimed the lives of over 25 million from 1981-2007.  That’s over 25 million families that have stories to share about their loved one’s personal battle with this deadly disease.  December 1^st has been designated as a day to increase knowledge of the facts surrounding HIV/AIDS and put that information to use so that not another person has to be added to the millions that have already been affected.  

The truth is that there is no known cure for HIV/AIDs.  However, scientific research has advanced tremendously since this disease was first uncovered.  Take this day to talk with those who are engaged in the battle with HIV/AIDS and learn about what you can do to help.  The following are some online resources to get you started:

www.worldaidsday.org

www.worldaidscampaign.org

www.AIDS.gov

www.HIVTEST.org

You can also take a quiz to test your knowledge at www.hivawarequiz.org.uk/quiz.

Know your status.  You can text your zip code to KNOWIT (566948) and find a testing location in your area.  Talk with health professionals and other victims to find out about safer sex practices and what you can do to prevent the spread of this deadly disease.  

Happy Holidays!

The Big Girl Chronicles:  You Said A Mouthful…

Blogging about my life lessons has been tremendously challenging.  It has forced me to take an honest look at myself and how I think.  No matter how I want to blame someone else, the only person staring back at me in the mirror is my own reflection.  I’ve been angry.  I’ve cried.  But when I’m done with my tantrum, I have to grow up.  I’m not too sure that I’ll continue with my blog, but I do hope that what’s been posted thus far has been helpful to you as well.  I’m closing with a renewed sense of self and purpose.   As I take my hiatus for the forthcoming holiday season, I want to encourage you to challenge the negatives that can take the focus off of your goals and potential.  Also take some time to focus on those that are less fortunate and how you can help someone else, but being thankful should by no means include being complacent.  Above all else, love yourself.

Have a wonderful holiday season!

The Big Girl's Guide to Holiday Planning On A Budget

The Big Girl Chronicles:  The Big Girl’s Guide to Holiday Planning On A Budget

The stress of the holiday season is that much more a source of angst for all the single parents that have to make it happen for their children.  Add to that underemployment or unemployment with limited income and the challenge can seem impossible.  Really, that’s not so.  Single parents have developed an expertise at doing more with less.  If you start planning early, you can have an abundant and meaningful holiday season with plenty to spare.

If you’re not in your state’s supplemental nutrition assistance program, you can still have an amazing holiday feast for a fraction of what you would normally pay.  Research your local churches and community service organizations for economically friendly alternatives like the Angel Food Network that usually offers holiday grocery packages specific to the occasion for considerably less than what you would pay at the grocery store.  Local food banks also provide complete holiday meal boxes to feed an average sized family sometimes free of charge or for a small donated canned good.  Another resource is your local public service organizations such as your local fire department or police department that sometimes choose a family to sponsor around the holiday season.

Once you’ve gotten the menu taken care of the next area to tackle is the gift-giving.  The key here is to plan early.  Those black Friday deals are great if you have the cash, but even the cheapest of tech toys and goods can seem out of reach when the money is low.  You can still do fabulous gifts that are economically manageable and more meaningful if you apply a little creativity.  Get out your craft tote and get to work.

 

*Buy serving utensils that can be found at your local dollar store or general store for as little as a dollar each.  Pick up some industrial strength adhesive, beads and wire and you’ve got all you need to make a beautifully ornate and unique serving set that will be the pride of dinner conversation and should only have cost you less than $2 per utensil to make.

*  For an added touch, or another gift altogether, attach a simple compilation of your family’s favorite recipes fastened together with decorative ribbon and adorned with handmade stencil art. 

*Another goldmine at your local dollar store are hand towels and kitchen towels that can be easily personalized and make great gifts. 

*Still looking for neat gifts for neighbors or children?  Save your wide-mouth jars that once contained peaches or pasta sauce.  Rinse thoroughly and strip of all labels.  Buy simple cocoa, chocolate and marshmallows.  Layer these in the jars, attach a ribbon and add a cute personalized message for a simple thoughtful gift that will help take the chill out of those winter nights.

*Research other crafty ideas online that you would like to receive as a gift.  Make sure that it’s doable on a small budget, get the entire family involved and make gifts that will not likely get tossed in the back of the closet.

*Local community agencies like the Salvation Army also sponsor families by supplying clothing and toys.  Contact your local Goodwill or Salvation Army for details about all the information required and the process to get your family approved.

Finally you know what you’re going to eat and who’s going to get what.  If you have older children, decorations probably aren’t going to be a big deal.  But if you have little ones who are expecting all the magic of the holiday season, creating a holiday milieu might seem another financial burden…NOT.   You can do wonders with construction paper, scissors, tape, glue, glitter, newspaper, spray paint, ribbon and string.         

* Cut newspaper into three by three inch squares enough to line about two feet or more of yarn or string.  Crinkle them up.  Take two feet or more of string or yarn and line through the center of the newspaper squares.  Tie the ends tightly.  Spray paint whatever color of your choice and adorn with ribbon for a festive, one-of-a-kind wreath.  Or leave the ends untied for a garland to line your window or hang from the ceiling.

*Cut shapes appropriate for the occasion using construction paper and decorate with glitter and yarn or string for unique ornaments.

*Use yarn or string to make festive shapes on the wall appropriate for the occasion.  Take scraps from the construction paper cuttings and add them for a great alternative to pricey, traditional décor.

Whatever you do to make your holiday season happen, be sure to keep in mind the less fortunate that would have nothing if not for the generosity and kindness of people like you.  If you can’t afford a monetary contribution, donate your time by volunteering at your local food pantry, church, community kitchen or homeless shelter.  And remember the true value of the holiday season is having those you love close to share it with.   

Response to Hurricane Sandy

The Big Girl Chronicles:  Response to Hurricane Sandy

Few things are more sobering than when a natural disaster strikes and we are left to face the remnants of its devastation.  Things that have taken a lifetime to build and invaluable landmarks are destroyed mercilessly by the force of nature.  Even more priceless are the lives lost.  Tragedy such as this is never easy to recover from.  But those of us that weren’t directly affected by the storm can do some things to reach out to those suffering from the catastrophe of our most recent natural disaster, Hurricane Sandy, and assist in efforts to reestablish those areas that were affected.

Send a care package.

Now more than ever a simple act of kindness, such as sending a care package, can make an immeasurable difference to a family that has endured this crisis.  Things like toiletries, sanitizers and other personal care items can help ease the stress for families having to care for small children.  If you can afford it, include things like seasonal apparel, blankets, pillows and other items you would need if you had suddenly lost everything.  For children, some comforting items such as a stuffed animal or other items like books, activity pads, crayons and toys could prove useful to help occupy their minds and distract them from the anxiety that parents are likely experiencing during this time.  It could also be helpful to include a disposable camera, postage and prepaid cards that could assist in meeting needs of families in addition to traditional items such as water and canned goods that will be shared. 

Make donations and begin charitable giving.

Businesses can ante up and begin to assist the city in rebuilding by donating labor and supplies.  Begin a charitable fund and/or donate a percentage of sales towards the rebuilding efforts.  As much as your budget will stand, make in-kind contributions of supplies and labor that can be instrumental in repairing some of the structural damage.  Volunteer manpower to quicken the progress.  This is a wonderful opportunity for mental health professionals and other crisis intervention specialists to not only go onsite and help families recoup, but also provide valuable experience for interns.

Personalize your support.

To make your support extra special, share your contact information and consider making a video or some kind of memento introducing yourself to your new “adopted” family.  Do something special like plant a seedling or plant to nurse as you follow your family’s progress.  You can post video online and provide a link, send a dvd, create a blog or some other form of communication in honor of your family reestablishing itself. 

In times like these, imagine the difference that you can make by taking the time to reach out to ailing families that are enduring such loss.  No matter the size of your contribution, the effort that you put forth to comfort someone during this crisis speaks volumes.  The feeling that you get knowing you were a help to someone is more than words can express.  Our continued thoughts and prayers go out to the people affected by Hurricane Sandy.